This is another old article that I never got around to publishing – I’m cleaning out my drafts and figured I may as well post it. The photo contains just a few of the 55 clowns that I packed up. I gave several away. I kept one, just becausebut it may end up out of sight.
For years, 131 Beecroft Road was at times my home and at other times my albatross. For so long, it was my home with my sister Michele, but I always felt like a visitor. When Michele died, it became a project – and if you know me, I’m always bored without one. I was feeling very lost when I started packing. It was at the height of the pandemic, so the only place that I could really go was there and like clockwork, for months, one day a week I went there to check the mail, check on the condo and begin the arduous process of packing up 35 years of my sister’s life.
Michele was a keeper of everything. People hold onto memories differently. Michele held on to them dearly, never throwing away a paper or a trinket. Clothes were her weakness, as were shoes, bags, clowns, books and more. She kept thousands of photos, cards, letters, souvenirs. As I went through her photos, so many ended up in the trash. Only a few scenery shots were kept, but every photo that has a person in it will come home with me.
It was hard for Michele to give up keepsakes. I threw away so many things, packed even more for donation, gave some furniture to cousins, other furniture to a woman in need and the rest will be donated to a furniture bank. My sister would be horrified, but they are only things. I don’t need a dresser to remember her or clowns (seriously, why clowns???? They are so creepy). Michele kept a nasty letter or two that my father wrote. They may have found their way into the recycling bin as well. I have no need to remember some of the things that he said. She kept copy after copy of an obituary of someone that she cared about, but who hurt her terribly. I wavered on whether I should keep one copy, knowing how important this person was to Michele. I decided no – they too belong in the trash.
People said that it must be difficult to pack things up. I think it gave me time to deal with Michele’s death with parts of Michele still around. I would look at some clothes that she never had a chance to wear, and think about the times we went shopping together or I would laugh at how much change she kept EVERYWHERE. She saved up more US coins than I’ll be able to spend in a lifetime. She kept address books with people’s names and birthdates carefully written out. I haven’t kept one in years; Michele never stopped preferring a tangible place to keep her people’s digits.
People always think about what they will discover about a person going through their things. I already knew what to expect. Part pack-rat, part sentimentalist – that was Michele. Keep, toss or donate – those were the piles. The donations and toss piles were huge, mountains even. The keep pile is small, mostly books that I’ll give away once I’ve read them and photos – the ever present photos…those I’ll treasure, but the other things….well, they are just things. Especially the clowns.
Tomorrow is a big day. I’m dropping the keys off at the place formerly known as home, although, I’m not quite sure that I thought of it that way. I’m happy/sad. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted and the bonus of not having to renovate to sell is the best thing that could have happened. I’m also glad that there was a short closing date. In one week, the place was packed, the items were sent to the dump or donation and about 40 boxes, mostly books, clothes and photo albums went into a storage locker.
I won’t say that I was sad to see everything go. It’s just hearing Michele’s voice in the back of my head saying don’t throw that out – it’s still good, and having to ignore it and do what I knew was right. I hope that wherever Michele is that she understands that I’m not throwing out her memory, although, I had many moments of guilt over it. I just don’t want clutter.
It’s weird when you see an empty apartment that you once (and until Tuesday own). You can see the possibilities more clearly. But seeing it empty and seeing those possibilities also made me realize that I’m happy where I am. I’ll miss my neighbours there who were so kind over the years, but we are still in touch. I won’t miss the area and I mentioned this before, but I never felt like it was mine.
My mother always told me that her place was my home, meaning that I was always welcome there. It feels like home in the most important ways possible. I feel safe here. I have memories, both so happy and so sad here. But, I’ve never felt more at home anywhere than at my grandmother’s house.
So yes, I’m so sad at the thought of losing another little piece of Michele, but her memory is with me, not in that one place. My mother too. But it’s now time to get rid of the things that I no longer want here – and there is so much that I’ll be getting rid of, but I was spared on renovating one condo – it’s time to do the other – eeeek! It will be good though – it’s time for a big change.
One of the things that you are never prepared for when people die is just the volume of their things. When my father died, his contents were sent to Michele and I in one little white box. My mother had a condo filled with EVERYTHING but she came from a time when people had big parties and entertained more at home. Michele was a collector and a pack rat (not a hoarder – there is a difference).
It’s always challenging trying to combine homes, memories and the such. You have to be pretty ruthless, but I can honestly say that I haven’t thought twice about anything that was thrown out or donated. And I won’t miss anything that is taken out of here either. The only things that can’t be replaced are the people that lived here and there and I’ll miss those people for the rest of my life.
When you lose someone, it becomes a series of goodbyes. There is the goodbye when they die, another at the funeral and then, you start packing their things. When I started packing for Michele, it seemed endless – mostly because it was! Fifty-five creepy clowns packed, thousands of photos in the trash, more makeup than Sephora has in stock thrown out. I could have opened a department store with her clothes. Michael’s needs her craft supply. You need Kleenex? I’m still using her stash up. Don’t get me started on the wrapping paper and plastic containers. She had a full bar of alcohol, yet only drank a fuzzy navel twice that I know of. If Blockbuster reopens, I have a huge library of VHS movies too. In short, my sister had stocked up…on everything and I’ve had to get rid of a department store.
There are a few odds and ends plus some of my own things that need to go too. I love the stuffed animals that old boyfriends bought me or that I was otherwise gifted, but they have had their moment. My Disney collection will be sold. It’s time. The reason for all of this final purging is that Schneiderman North AKA the condo of my past AKA the condo that Michele wouldn’t let me get rid of AKA Beecroft Road, is now sold and the new owner takes possession on May 9th.
Like most things in my life, it was an accident. I was getting ready to have it renovated to sell when the contractor mentioned that his cousin (or a friend – I couldn’t understand a lot of what he said) wanted a condo in that very building and that she wanted to do her own renovations. Flash forward 5 days, and after a 7 minute walk-through with 5 questions, I had a conditional offer which I promptly took because I’m not silly. Why go through a renovation if you don’t have to? Today, just 4 days after that, all of the paperwork is final.
That condo never felt like my home, but it very much felt like Michele’s. I always felt a bit like a visitor, but so many good and bad things happened there.
It was the place where my friends and I would “pre-drink” before clubbing for so many years. I got smart and used Michele’s “clear” spirits, replacing them with water. You know, she never figured it out, mostly because she never drank.
It was the place where I would sit on my “what will become of me couch” and think about what will become of me. It was the place that I skipped around when I got a new job. It was where we celebrated many birthdays, family gatherings and more. It had my hiding place for love letters from former suitors that I never wanted Michele to find – but I couldn’t bear to part with. Some were better written than others, but who doesn’t love a hand-written letter, or even a typed one? Anyway, I’m sure she snooped, but that’s ok – that’s what sisters do – don’t they?
It was also the place that Michele and I came back to after finding out that she had cancer. We slept on the black sofas in the living room that night, afraid to be away from each other. It was the place that we came back to after sitting shiva for our mother, leaving the safe cocoon of her home. It was a place where we had lovely neighbours who cared, and who I’ve kept in touch with. But it’s also a place that I’m ready to part with.
I keep telling myself that throwing out so much doesn’t mean I’m throwing out my sister or my memories of her. It needs to be done. I lectured Michele for two years that we needed to sell one of the condos – it wasn’t fiscally responsible to keep both. I knew that she couldn’t be alone – she was scared and sick, so I would go wherever she wanted. Sometimes decisions are made for you.
And before you tell me that Michele would want me to sell it, I can bet that if she was still here, that she wouldn’t be ok with it. We would still quarrel about it, and I would throw up my hands in defeat. But she isn’t here, and I know that wherever she is, she is saying, “You couldn’t have kept a clown? I loved that one.” or “Those towels are still good.” “Those were my dishes – you can use them!” or “See, I told you that Kleenex would come in handy.” No, Michele, I couldn’t keep the clown. The towels need to go. Your dishes, Bobbi’s china and so many other things need to go to another home where they will be used and loved and will be part of somebody else’s memories. You were right about the Kleenex though, and so many other things. It’s just time.
The one question I have had to field constantly since Michele died is have you sold the other condo yet? The answer is no. After 25,000 why nots and a few oh it must be so hard for yous….I decided to make this a page in the book that my sister wanted me to write. One of her other wishes was the I get rid of her clothes immediately. Well, here is the story of packing her things up.
When I first started going through Michele’s things in January of 2021, it was overwhelming, and not because I was desperately sad, which I was. It was the sheer volume of the task. My sister, though I love her dearly, was a pack rat and couldn’t pass up a sale if she tried. I decided to start with her closet first. I opened it, then quickly closed it, then opened it again. What I saw in front of me was clothing Jenga. I feared if I pulled out, that I would be buried under a mountain of clothes. I gamely had garbage bags to stuff the clothes in and had a strategy of threes. Donate, keep or toss. Value Village will take things like orphan socks so that they don’t end up in land fills so I kept that in mind.
I took out the first piece of clothing and then worked for three hours straight. As I started sorting, I found so many clothes that still had tags. I put those on Michele’s bed. I continued to look at items for donation. After the first day, I had five bags ready to donate and half a bag ready for the garbage. This was when we were going through another lockdown so I couldn’t have anyone come and help.
Week after week, I would sort. I could only go once a week, and I couldn’t stay for more than a few hours. After concentrating on her closet for weeks, I decided to pack up the book case in her room using the same keep, toss and donate model. I was able to get through that in one day. I just didn’t have enough boxes to pack all of them up. They went into the living room to continue to clear out Michele’s room. If it wasn’t for the empty book case, it would have looked like I really did nothing – there was the aforementioned volume. I also had to contend with clothing at my now condo that my sister had there – and it too was plentiful.
I started just going through her makeup and threw out 11 kitchen catchers full of cosmetics. I kept numerous bottles of shampoo, toothpaste and body wash for myself and put together some packages for donation to the homeless. At one point, my cousin came over and helped me bring 28 bags of clothing to Value Village along with ten boxes of assorted other stuff like her old tapes, some records and knick knacks.
I had 1-800 Got Junk come and take out all of the old bathroom fixtures (there was a leak in one of the bathrooms and it had to be gutted). I also had them take a box of old blank video cassettes that had to be disposed of properly, a few pieces of Michele’s treasured furniture (my grandmother’s ottoman that had a holes and a little chair), old tiles and some other garbage. It ended up being a half a truck. Yet the condo still looked full.
I gave our Frousin, who is like a little sister, Michele’s nicest (and biggest) bag so that she would have something nice to remember Michele by. I gave my dear friend 11 pairs of Michele’s shoes (from both condos) and a bag that I thought that she would like. I gave my cleaning lady a bag of clothes, another gym bag packed with clothes, 10 pairs of shoes and a bag. I gave another friend another bag. I gave another one of Michele’s friends one of her bags. Four bags of clothes and toiletries went to the homeless. And still I packed.
I decided to keep all of the clothes that still had tags and put those, along with some of Michele’s remaining shoes and bags that I didn’t want on Poshmark and decided to donate the funds to the North York General Hospital Foundation in Michele’s memory and in honour of her oncologist and the nurses who cared for her. To date, I’ve sold 111 of her clothes, makeup, shoes and bags there with another 5 of my mother’s bags that Michele wouldn’t let me get rid up when we were cleaning out the closet. Last year, I was more diligent and donated $1,500 through selling 29 pairs of her shoes, 21 bags, assorted clothes and makeup. This year, I’ll only donated $500 + whatever I sell before the end of the year….I’m keeping only a handful of Michele’s bags and clothes for myself. and still I’m packing.
I packed up 55 clowns – Michele’s favourite and my least favourite. I gave away 4 and still, I pack. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I gave away a huge bag of knitting wool and knitting needles. I packed up boxes of crafts. I gave away scrapbooking materials. My cousins, who are only in Canada for two years, took furniture and that really helped me see progress. The dining room table is gone, along with two book cases, two small tables, Michele’s mirror, highboy and dresser, two table lamps and one floor lamp. I threw out 3 large boxes of garbage, 2 garbage bags, a lamp, a medicine cabinet and assorted other goodies, and I’m still working. I have about 25 boxes that need to be donated and yes, I’m still packing. And yes, I will finish this soon, get that condo renovated and sold. I will be getting rid of most of my mother’s antiques too.
So when people ask why it’s taking so long…well, you didn’t know Michele. My cousins who took the furniture asked if it bothered me packing up her things. I answered truthfully, because I could tell that they genuinely wanted to know. They are just things, so generally no, I said. It’s the weirdest things that bring a lump to my throat. A dress that would have looked so nice on her that she never had the chance to wear – partly because she died and partly because it was buried so deeply in her closet that she never would have found it. It’s the birthday cards that she kept. It’s photos of family birthdays, photos of my mother and Michele together, forever frozen in that one moment in time….
So no, they are just things and they can be replaced. People and memories are not replaceable. And my sister was definitely not replaceable, although I would love to have a word or two with her about how I could have opened a thrift store and would have still had inventory with just her things.
This year, I made a concerted effort to buy less and use more of my makeup. It can be tough – you know the feeling, bored, lonely, buy a lipstick. Instant gratification even though you already have that perfect lipstick shade 20 times over. I spent just $197 at Sephora on makeup for myself, which is literally just 10% of what I had spent the year before. I did buy a few things at ULTA in the States when I went, more for novelty purposes. I also found a few things at Winners (Canada’s version of TJ Maxx) but I was determined to spend less and use more last year. Makeup does go bad (eventually) and there is no point in stocking up when I literally do just a few makeup reviews here and on my regularly scheduled site, DIVINE.
Just to give you an idea of what I bought or didn’t buy in 2019:
Lipstick/Glosses/Lip Crayons – I literally bought 2 – one was Bite Beauty and only $7.25 – it was practically free. I also bought a Jeffree Star Lip Velour in Calabasas – I needed to know if his formula was great or not. So far, the jury is out. I used up 9 products and decluttered 1. I still have an embarassing amount that I will one day reveal. Let’s just say, I don’t have an exact count, but it’s more than 50.
Foundations – I bought 3, used 1.5 and still have 1.5 left.
Blush – I bought the Becca Khloe x Malika face palette. It was pretty, sue me. I was a little embarassed to order a Kardashian anything. I did use up 3 blushes this year. It was a miracle! I still have 3 other blushes, not including the palette.
Concealers – I finished one and bought one. Not too bad. I realized that stocking up is stupid – again, I’m not a YouTube Creator who needs 35 of these to review. One is plenty and lasts about a year.
Highlighters – I bought 2 at Winner. I used up 2. Not including the Khloe x Malika palette, I have a total of 5 highlighters.
Face Powder – I used up one loose powder and had one more that I am using up. Even steven. I did not buy pressed powder this year, so I have 3 in total. One was free. Does that even count?
Mascara – I used 4 this year. YAY. I bought zero, received 3 as gifts and have at least another 3 more somewhere. I won’t be buying mascara again in 2020. I have enough to get me through the year.
Eyeliners, Eye Primers and Other Boring Things – I used one full eyeliner this year. I don’t think I bought any and have been using up what I have. There are currently about 8 eyeliners in my makeup collection. I’ll only buy to replace what I actually use. I hate pencils and have a few so if I don’t use them up in 2020, I’m going to toss them out. I used up 2 eye primers. I have 1.5 left. You only need one. They take forever to use up. I have one glitter glue, one brow powder and one mini-face primer.
Eyeshadow Palettes and Singles – I have an embarassing amount of these. I did buy a lot more this year than I intended, but two were free (Sephora Rouge gift card) and I received several as gifts. Does that make it better? I decluttered one (hey – I pay for this crap – I don’t have to do a massive clear out). I am going to be a lot more careful about buying any shadows this year and be more thoughtful in what I spend my money on.
Buy or Cry (Part 1 of 3):
Wet N Wild Flights of Fancy
Wet N Wild Flights of Fancy Flock Party(Cry): This was a mess. Yes, it was cheap. No question. The one matte shade had zero pigment. The brow bone highlight had zero pigment. The gold shimmer came off my lid in chunks even with a glitter glue. The best colour was the hot pink shimmer, and it had hard pan immediately. Once you scrape it, it actually performed well and looked nice as a crease shade. The rest was meh. I’m cheap so I tried to use it at least until I hit pan on one shade. I did, and then tossed this out. Wet N Wild is also questionable when it comes to being cruelty free, so I’m taking a pass on their products.
Hourglass Ambient Lighting Blush
Hourglass Ambient Lighting Blush in Mood Exposure (Buy): This was a mini. A mini is the perfect size for a powder product – you get to try something expensive and you can actually get through the product. It still took almost 9 months, but it’s gone. It was beautiful and I would repurchase this if I was in the market for a new blush, which I am not. I do recommend it though.
Benefit CORALista Coral Blush (Cry): This blush had it all. The colour was lovely. The finish was perfection. The lasting power….nil. That’s the only issue, plus Benefit is sold in China which means it is not cruelty-free. If it was the best blush ever, I still wouldn’t buy it, but at least I don’t like I am missing out on anything.
Too Faced Mattifying Loose Setting Powder (Buy): This is a great setting powder if you can get past the cloying scent of peach. It creates a smooth finish and I ended up loving this powder….once I got over the fragrance.
Hourglass Caution Extreme Lengths Mascara in Ultra Black (Buy/Cry): I really liked this mascara. It didn’t smudge or flake and was long lasting. My complaint was the shape of the brush – it was like a long cone. It made it difficult to get an even application. It was a mini and lasted three months. I would say for the price, skip it and run to the drugstore.
Marc Jacobs Le Marc Lip Creme in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang(Try): This was a mini sized point perk from Sephora. It took FOREVER to use it up. The colour was nice, the formula was long-lasting without being drying and it was cute. I can’t think of one bad thing to say about it except for awhile, it was the only lipstick that Sephora was giving away as a point perk so I still have one more to get through.
Colour Pop Disney Designer Ultra Glossy Lips in Boo(Cry): I wanted to love this gloss. It’s name is Boo as in Bibbidi Bobbidi from CINDERELLA (my favourite fairy tale), but it was more of a boo hoo. The formula is thin, although the colour is pretty. There are just way better glosses out there. It lasted about an hour on my lips and then disappeared faster than you can say…Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo.
To be continued…because there is plenty more to share.
Yes, you read that correctly – I got a little busy at the end of the year when I was going to send my final thoughts on these products, so here are my 2018 empties. As always, I’m supposed to say that this is only my opinion. You are welcome to disagree (although, sadly, I am always right, at least that’s what I tell myself). It is a long one, so get cozy. Just a reminder, buy is a product that I recommend and cry is one that I do not.
It Cosmetics Bye Bye Undereye Eye Cream Mini (Cry) – This didn’t do much for my under eye area AND it dried out before I could get too far into the product and it was a mini.
Drunk Elephant TLC Framboos Glycolic Night Serum (Cry but HMMMM) – This is difficult because I used it at a time when I wasn’t supposed to be using glycolic acids or any type of AHAs. In fact, I am still using Retin A so I should not be using any chemical exfoliant. I can’t recommend this product, but I really can’t offer an opinion. I would say try it if you are not on Retin A or if you do not have sensitive skin, it is a well reviewed product.
Drunk Elephant LaLa Retro Whipped Cream x 2 (Buy) – Here are my feelings on this skin cream. One note, I don’t know how I got my first jar to last 6 months, it is more like 2 months now, but it is a good product. https://jillschnei.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/project-empty-buy-or-cry/
La Roche-Posay Toleriane Sensitive Daily Moisturizer (Buy) – This is a very good product if you have sensitive skin. It is especially good if you are on an isotretinoin for acne and your skin is in that very dry phase. It helped me a lot, but at the height of my treatment, I went through one of these every three weeks. It is also tested on animals so I stopped using it in favour of Drunk Elephant which ended up being more cost effective too.
La Roche-Posay Toleriane Ultra Eye Contour Cream (Cry) – La Roche-Posay makes excellent products that really worked on me. I just didn’t find that this really did any more for me than using the daily moisturizer on it’s own. I did get this free although I don’t remember why.
NIOD Ethylated L-Ascorbic Acid (Buy if I had to) – This was not a bad product, but the dropper made it really difficult to apply and to judge how much to use. I prefer Drunk Elephant’s C-Firma Day Serum. It has the perfect pump. This does smell better than C-Firma though if that is what is important to you.
Clinique Foaming Facial Soap (I believe that it is now Foaming Sonic Facial Soap) (Buy but not cruelty-free) – I got this from a friend a couple of years ago. It was fine, did what it was supposed to do. It didn’t majorly dry out my skin or cause any type of skin irritations which is always a concern for me. It was a mini so it was perfect for travel.
Estee Lauder Multi-Action Foam Cleanser/Purifying Mask (Buy but not cruelty-free) – See above – I have the very same feelings about this product. Since it is not cruelty-free, I’ll stick with Drunk Elephant.
Ahava Mineral Foot Cream (Buy) – When I first had my ankle surgery and my cast was removed, my foot and leg were SCALY in a see you later alligator kind of way. This moisturized my foot and made it look normal again.
Bite Beauty Agave+ Weekly Lip Scrub (Buy) – This worked well and the sugar exfoliated my lips nicely. It has a delightful taste. I’m not in a rush to repurchase this, but only because it feels like one more step for me. Maybe I’ll pick one up at the next Sephora sale.
Bite Beauty Agave Lip Mask in Clear (Buy) – This is an amazing product – I used it every night and it is by far the product that worked the best on my parched lips during my stint withisotretinoins. I will pick another one of these up as soon as I finish with my current night time lip treatment which should coincide with Sephora’s summer sale. I don’t need to stock up on lip treatments. One at a time is my new mantra.
Beauty Bar The Ten Spot Lip Balm (Cry) – This lip balm has a nice scent, but it is just an ok product. There are better out there, but it is a Canadian brand if you want to support it. I’m not sure if they still make this product.
Feet Treat Pedi by Look Beauty Intensive Moisturizing Foot Mask (Buy) – This worked really well on my feet – it was very moisturizing. The little plastic bags though, make your feet feel disgusting while you are doing the foot mask. I would also recommend plunking yourself in front of the TV while doing this – they are very slippery too. Enjoy the moment, relax and take a load off.
Sonia Kashuk Makeup Brush Cleaning Spray (Buy) – This cleaned my brushes so well and was so easy to use. The sprayer worked until the last drop too. I just wish that it was available in Canada.
L’Oréal Total Repair Replenishing Detangling Care (Cry) – I bought this out of desperation at the drug store one day, because I couldn’t find anything else. This weighed my hair down which almost never happens. It did detangle though, so if you have course hair and are ok with a brand that isn’t cruelty-free, this may work for you.
Laura Mercier Foundation Primer Hydrating (Cry) – I just don’t find that primers do anything for me in terms of wear time or finish for foundation, and this product was no exception. It was a point perk from Sephora. It is not cruelty-free so I would not buy it anyway.
L’Oréal True Match Healthy Luminous Makeup in Warm (Cry) – I think they may have rebranded this True Match Lumi, but I recommend leaving it at the drug store. I found the formula hard to blend and the texture almost felt oily. I’m cheap so I used it up, but I was never happy with my foundation. Next.
Charlotte Tilbury Cheek to Chic Swish & Pop Blusher in Love Glow (Cry) – The colours were beautiful and went on nicely, but this blush did not have staying power on my cheeks. It is cruelty-free, but there are better options out there that are less expensive.
L’Oréal Infalliable Liner in Brown (Cry, Cry Cry, a thousand times cry) – I don’t think that they make this eyeliner anymore and I can see why. It is terrible. It does a few things that I’ve never seen happen with a liquid liner – it runs and smudges and causes raccoon eyes. If they didn’t discontinue this, stay far, far away.
Tarte Colour Splash Lipstick (Mini) in Soaked (Buy) – This was the perfect lipstick. Great colour, great formula and great lasting power. It also had a really nice finish. It is one of my favourite formulas and once I’ve used up a sufficient amount of lipsticks so that I’m not overwhelmed with volume, I will repurchase.
Sigma Tranquil Lipgloss (Buy) – Sorry, I don’t have a shade name or photo. This was really good, but it had a really weird brush applicator. I find doe-foots easier to apply gloss with. It still was a really nice product but bought it at Winners so odds are good that I won’t see it again.
Essence Lash Princess Volume Mascara (Buy) – I prefer Essence’s Lash Princess False Lash Mascara, but this is a good option if they are sold out. It lasted, didn’t flake or smudge. The price is right too at $4.99.
Guerlain by Emilio Pucci Palette (Cry) – I never loved the shadows in this palette. They had a thick consistency but stayed on with primer. I also bought it in 2007, so I thought it was time to get rid of it! Guerlain cosmetics are not my favourite (except their foundation) and they are not cruelty free, so I will not be buying anything from the line.
As I mentioned in my previous Project Empty articles https://jillschnei.wordpress.com/2019/04/22/project-empty-buy-or-cry-2/, I am trying to use up or declutter a lot of beauty products this year (and next). How many times have you bought the same perfect pink nude lipstick twenty times in one year? Seriously, how many of the same shades of anything do we really need? I have become more aware of this, and spent my money at the Sephora sale almost exclusively on skincare because I am now completely out of my full-sized products and have been using trial sizes. Here are some more products that I have used up in 2019. The opinions are not meant to offend anyone AKA if you love something I hate, that’s totally ok. We are all different.
Drunk Elephant C-Firma Day Serum (Buy) – see the article linked above for my thoughts. Just a reminder, do not stock up on this product as it will degrade and oxidize over time. Buy only as you need it.
Drunk Elephant Virgin Marula Luxury Facial Oil (Buy/Cry) – I got this in a “Littles” set from Sephora which is a great way to try Drunk Elephant products. I think if I mixed this in with my moisturizer, I would have liked this product more. People rave about it, and I am willing to give it one more chance. I just didn’t think it was the best thing ever.
The Body Shop Shea Body Butter (Buy) – This is a good body moisturizer. It is rich and creamy and I will buy it again because it is also cruelty-free. They always go on sale so wait for one.
417 Foot Nourishing Cream (Cry) – This was thin and not creamy at all. It did nothing to soften my tootsies. I recommend Ahava, this was just a cheaper alternative.
Germaine De Capuccini Synergyage Clinical Intense Renewal Exfoliating Mask (Buy) – This product works well for acne prone skin. My skin is no longer acne prone so I don’t need it. I am also not sure if it is cruelty-free or not, but it is very good.
Avene Tolérance Extrême Masque (Buy/Cry) – Avene is an excellent line of products especially if you have sensitive or acne prone skin. I only had a sample size of this masque so I am not sure if it really works or not. It is also not a cruelty-free brand. If that doesn’t matter to you, then I highly recommend this line.
Ciaté London Fierce Flicks Precision Tip Liquid Liner (Cry) – This was without a doubt, the very worst eyeliner that I have ever used. It is highly rated but I found that it was too thick and smudged like crazy on me. There are way better eyeliners out there that are at least $10 cheaper and won’t make you look like a raccoon.
Physician’s Formula Eye Booster Lash 2-In-1 Boosting Eyeliner and Serum in Blackest Black(Buy) – This is hands down, my favourite eyeliner and you can get it on sale at Shoppers Drug Mart or Wal-Mart. It lasts all day and it really does help your lashes (it is not a miracle worker though). If you are looking for a true black, get Blackest Black. Black tends to look a little gray.
Lancôme Juicy Crayon’ Lip Gloss Pencil (Buy) – I believe the colour was plum, but whatever it was, it was the perfect colour and a great texture that had lasting power It was a really nice formula, but the brand is not cruelty-free so I will not repurchase this product.
L’Oréal Paris Voluminous Butterfly Mascara in Black (Cry) – I bought this at Winners (Canada’s TJ Maxx) last year before realizing that I should just go cruelty-free. It is a very dry formula and I bought the waterproof version so it made it even worse. I used it twice and threw it out.
Lancôme Monsieur Big Mascara (Cry) – My sister gave me this mascara in 2018. It is not horrible, but it flaked a lot on me. I hate that in a mascara plus the product is not cruelty-free.
Smashbox Be Legendary Lipstick in Legendary (Buy) – I got this as a gift in a holiday lipstick set and it is a mini. It is such a beautiful formula, it lasts. The only issue is that the colour didn’t work for me so I had to declutter it. Smashbox makes great lip products and they are very under-rated.
Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm in Curviest Caramel (Buy/Cry) – This is a great product. It has a smooth, hydrating formula and the colours are beautiful. It is not long lasting, but it doesn’t fade after an hour either. It is only a cry because it isn’t cruelty-free.
Klara Liquid Lipstick in 27 (Buy/Cry) – This was another Winners’ purchase. It is a very nice formula for a liquid lipstick. It was fairly comfortable and not gloppy. The only reason it is a cry is because the colour was terrible – it looked like I ate a powdered sugar doughnut and wasn’t lady-like enough to use a napkin after. It was a light pink metallic formula and I think the colour would only suit a 19-year old.
Marc Jacobs Beauty Genius Gel Super-Charged Foundation (Cry) – This was another Winners purchase. In fairness, I used this once and threw it out – it had gone bad and smelled terrible. Lesson learned: Winners has great makeup available but be careful with foundation. I believe that this product is discontinued.
Smashbox Studio Skin 15 Hour Hydrating Foundation in 1.15 (Buy) – This is a really nice foundation that is long-lasting with a nice, natural finish. I wouldn’t exactly call it hydrating, but it is a very good cruelty-free product. It doesn’t cake or crease on me. Their shade selection is excellent.
Becca Velvet Blurring Primer Perfecting Base (Cry) – This literally did nothing for me. I didn’t find that it kept my foundation on any better than not using a primer. I have yet to find a primer that does anything for me. This was a point perk from Sephora so at least I didn’t pay for it.
Maison Margiela Replica Beach Walk (Buy/Cry) – This smelled amazing! It really did smell like a walk on the beach. The cry is because the brand is not cruelty-free. This was a sample. I’m finishing off all of my old perfume, then will look for cruelty-free alternatives.
Like many people, I am trying to be more responsible about my self-care habits. That means different things to different people. To me, it means, buying less of everything. The last few years, I bought far too much makeup. I’m reasonably good about skincare because I know that some have ingredients that deteriorate so I don’t stock up on it – I’d rather not throw away my money. Makeup became an issue and this is the year that I am limiting what I purchase to only items that I need like foundation and buying less of what I don’t (eye shadow palettes and lipsticks). I am also trying to use up products that are not cruelty free. In the YouTube world, this is called a low buy. In my world, it’s called project empty. I’m not a YouTuber, nor am I an Influencer, so I realize that I don’t need to have a million of everything and I should only buy replacement items or something truly unique. I’ve spent a lot less money this year (I’ll compare 2018 to 2019 at the end of the year) and I’m also getting rid of items that do not suit my colouring. Hanging on to them does not “spark joy” in the words of the great Marie Kondo.
I’ve had a lot of empties over the last little while and need to play catch up. Similar to my other Buy or Cry articles, I’ll let you know if I would re-purchase the item (buy) or not (cry). I’m supposed to tell you that these are just my views and you can think what you want. All true – but I’m right about everything!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, I have really sensitive skin so you aren’t going to see a lot of variety in skin care. I have a fair complexion; even if I like a formula, certain colours may not work for me. You are also going to get an honest opinion about the product whether it is cruelty-free or not. Just my little warning….Now here we go:
5 out of 7 products emptied
Lancôme Hypnose Drama Mascara (Cry) – I received this mascara as a gift. I know that people swear by this brand’s mascara, but I always find that it flakes on me so I would not re-purchase it. It is also not a cruelty-free brand if that is important to you.
Estée Lauder Double Wear Extreme Zero Smudge All Effects Mascara (Cry) – This must have been a point perk or gift with purchase based on the small size. I checked the website, and I don’t think that they make this exact product any more. The wand was tiny and perfect for your bottom lashes. It was a great formula too with no flaking. Unfortunately, Estée Lauder is not cruelty-free so I couldn’t purchase the mascara, even if it was available.
Becca Mini Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed Highlighter in Moonstone (Both) – This is a great formula from a cruelty-free brand. The only reason that it is a cry is because I prefer the Vanilla Quartz shade which is a little lighter. If you have a lot of highlighters or it just takes you a long time to go through one, I strongly suggest the mini-size. In Canadian dollars, the mini is $27 and the regular size is $46, making the larger size the better deal, but unless you put it on with a spatula, this will last you at least 9 months and will ensure that you actually use up your product so that it will be fresh.
Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in paaarty (Cry) – This was a 2017 Sephora Birthday Gift that I finally used up. The colour was nice – it was a neutral pink. The formula was nice, easy to apply, pigmented enough to not need to build it up, but not so pigmented that I felt like a clown. The major draw back was the lasting power. I found that it disappeared on me in about 3-4 hours. It is cruelty-free if you still want to try it.
Marc Jacobs Le Marc Liquid Lip Crayon in Night Mauves (Buy) – I got this in a Sephora lip box in December 2017. Those boxes are one of the reasons that I have far too many lipsticks so I decided to stop buying them. I believe that this was a full size. It is a unique formula – it really feels like you are wearing nothing on your lips and has the lasting power of a liquid lipstick. It does not make your lips feel dry like a traditional liquid lipstick would. The colour was perfect. If I ever get down to a reasonable amount of lipsticks, I would 100% repurchase this cruelty-free product.
No 7 Moisture Drench Lipstick in Berry Blush (Both) – No 7 lipsticks are not available in Canada. I first tried them when I went to Europe and fell in love with their formula and perfect colours. I would always stock pile them when I went to Europe or the USA. The reason that this is getting de-cluttered was simply because it smelled off. I bought it in October 2016. I also cannot find information on whether the brand is cruelty-free or not, so I’m going to take a break from it. If that is not a concern of yours and you want a great drug store brand, this is it.
Bésame Cosmetics 1930 Noir Red Mini Lipstick (Both) – Bésame is one of my favourite brands. This came in a mini-lipstick set that I received as a gift. The formula of the lipstick is perfection. Their customer service and packaging is also perfection. The only reason that this is a cry at all is because the colour is way too dark for me. If you have a deeper complexion or just like very dark lipstick, then this will work for you. I highly recommend this cruelty-free brand.
Empty!
Joico Daily Care Leave-In Detangler (Buy but….) – This product did exactly what it promised – it detangled my very tangled hair. It did not weigh my tresses down, nor did it make them feel greasy. It is perfect except….it is not cruelty free. I believe that the issue is that the brand sells in China. I’ve read that China may eliminate the need for animal testing in the very near future. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
Empty
Tom Ford Soleil Blanc Eau De Parfum 30ml plus sample (Both) – I loved this perfume. It reminded me of old school sun tan lotion. It is beautiful and unique. I got compliments every time I wore it. Alas, it is not cruelty-free. Hopefully, one day I will be able to buy this beautiful fragrance again. Until next time Tom….
Empties
Bath and Body Works 24 Hour Moisture Cream in In the Sun (Both) – This is a great body cream. The scent is the perfect affordable complement to Tom Ford’s Soleil Blanc. It has that same amazing sun tan lotion scent that just screams summer. The issue? It’s not cruelty-free. I have a ton of Bath and Body Works products to use up. They always do those buy 3 get 3 free (really who needs that much body lotion?) and I have some that are gifts. I won’t need body lotion for a very long time.
Ahava Dermud Intensive Foot Cream (Buy) – This brand is cruelty free and vegan. This foot cream saved me when I had my cast off after surgery. My foot was as dry as a lizard and my skin was flaking off – it was gross. Within a week of using this, my skin was back to normal and it has really helped with heel cracking too. It isn’t cheap, but I have not been able to find anything that works better on me.
All Empty – All Cruelty-Free
Drunk Elephant C-Tango Multivitamin Eye Cream (Cry) – This was expensive and it just did not work for me. I actually felt like it made my under eye area even drier.
Drunk Elephant C-Firma Day Serum (Buy) – All Drunk Elephant products are pricey (this one is $100). This one happens to be worth it and lasts for about 3 months. Do not stock up on Vitamin C serums, even if it is on sale or Sephora is doing one of their Rouge/VIB events. The product will degrade in time and they have a very short shelf life.
Drunk Elephant B-Hydra Intensive Hydration Serum (Cry) – I got this is “The Littles” gift set. It was worth the $110 to try more Drunk Elephant products and see what I liked and didn’t like. The little container held a lot of product – this lasted me for almost two months. It was long enough to see that this just did not work for me.
Drunk Elephant Beste No. 9 Jelly Cleanser (Buy) – This is a great face cleanser and a little goes a long way. This one tube has lasted me for almost 6 months which makes it cheaper over time than other drug store brands. It is $40 but you can save by buying it at the Sephora sale – it will keep if you buy one or a spare but don’t go crazy and buy ten. It leaves your face satisfyingly clean without drying out your skin.
You know from my last post that I may watch a few too many beauty YouTubers, and my latest time suck has been Project Pan and “18 in 18” videos. Project Pan, if you didn’t catch the definition the last go round, is when an Influencer puts select makeup into their everyday rotation so that they are forced to use up older products or even just “hit pan”. Again, this just means that you will see usage through a little sliver of metal that peeps through the seemingly endless supply of blush/eye shadow/. Some people make hitting pan or using up product their goal. People who do “18 in 18” are committed to using up 18 beauty products in 2018. This may not seem like a big goal, but these people have enough makeup to fill a Sephora.
I was watching a few of these “project empties” and was struck by the ridiculous items that they started including just so that that they could say that they had something to report. One YouTuber showed off two tubes of toothpaste and an empty package of cotton pads. Honey, brushing your teeth isn’t something that you should brag about, it’s essential for oral health. What are you going to do next, show off empty toilet paper rolls?
The ridiculousness of these videos, plus my own desire to use up or declutter some of my own stash of makeup, skin care and hair care made me want to do my own project. I have rules for mine though, so you will not be seeing stuff that I use daily and re-buy constantly – no cotton pads, swabs or toothpaste. I use the same shampoo and conditioner and can’t veer away from them, and I always use Simple Cleansing Cloths to take off my make up because I don’t get a rash from them. I’m also not going to brag about body wash – I use that daily too so I won’t be showing that off. I’m also including items that I’m decluttering. I don’t have a goal in mind, but I’ve already gone through 17 products (to be more accurate, 11 empties and 7 decluttered items) in the two months it’s been since I’ve started this project. Here are the items and whether I’ll re-buy or if they just made me cry. Oh yeah – this is just my opinion, yada yada, if you don’t agree, you don’t have to – everyone’s skin and colouring are different.
Skin Care:
Gold Bond Rough and Bumpy Skin Daily Therapy Cream (Buy or Cry) – Cry –I was looking for something to replace my beloved, but discontinued Lachydrin Lotion. I bought three of these from Amazon just in case, and have gone through 1.5. It isn’t cheap and it’s a fine body cream but nothing spectacular and does not do anything at all for Keratosis Pilaris if that’s your skin concern.
Sol De Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream (Buy or Cry) – Cry – I paid $25 for a product just because it smelled good and said Bum Bum on the packaging. It’s good but there are better creams out there that are a lot less costly.
LB Gentle Skin Cleanser (Buy or Cry) – Buy – it’s just as good as Cetaphil and it’s lower price tag is nice. It’s perfect for people with sensitive skin, at least it was for me and it lasted for months, like 6 months. Like why do I keep writing like?
Drunk Elephant Lala Retro Whipped Cream (Buy or Cry) – Buy – yes it’s $75, but this jar lasted me almost 6 months and did not irritate my skin. I’m already working through my second jar.
Avène Hydrance Intense Rehydrating Serum (Buy or Cry) – Cry – it really did nothing for my skin. It did not feel any more moisturized with it than it did without it. They have other really good products, but this just is not one of them.
John Frieda Frizz-Ease Daily Nourishment Leave-In Fortifying Spray (Buy or Cry) – Neither – My sister gave me her half full bottle (half empty if you are a pessimist) of this when chemotherapy led to her losing most of her hair. That makes me sniffle a little. These is OK for a leave-in, but will never replace my Biolage Daily Leave-In Tonic.
Moroccan Oil Treatment (Buy or Cry) – Buy – I love this product! I re-purchase it constantly. It’s an all-in-one styler, conditioner and makes my hair shiny. It also smells amazing. I’ve been using it for years and always go back to it. You only need to buy 3 a year so it’s not that pricey when you do the math. I would not recommend it if you have fine hair – it may weigh it down. Remember to use it only on the ends or it can make your hair look greasy.
Clinique Black Honey Almost Lipstick (Buy or Cry) – Cry, because I love this product so much, it’s the perfect lip tint, but Clinique is not a cruelty-free brand (they sell in China which has mandatory animal testing). If you are fine with that, then buy away. I’m in the process of using up any of my cosmetics that are not cruelty free and avoiding them in the future.
Wet N Wild Pout & Love in 955B (Buy or Cry) – Cry – this product was supposed to be a tinted lip balm. It was not terrible, but it smelled exactly like you put an entire stick of butter on your lips. Seriously, the smell is overwhelming. I tried to use it, but every time I put it on, I felt like I had just eaten a tub of movie theatre popcorn drenched in butter and was too lazy to wipe my lips with a napkin.
Make Up Forever Artist Liquid Matte in Shade 105 (Buy or Cry) – It’s not fair for me to provide an opinion. This was a Sephora freebie (100 point gift). The colour was way too nude for me so I decluttered it and gave it to my sister. I will not buy Make Up Forever because it is not a cruelty free brand.
Quo Double Dip Lip Gloss (Buy or Cry) – Neither – it was just a very clear gloss that was fine. I believe that the product has been discontinued.
Laura Mercier Lovers Lip Colour in Sensual (Buy or Cry) – Neither – again, this was another Sephora freebie and the colour was just not for me and I decluttered it. I cannot figure out if Laura Mercier is cruelty free or not, so I’ll reserve judgment.
Ciate Liquid Velvet Lipstick in Voodoo (Buy or Cry) – Cry – this was part of a Sephora Favourite’s lipstick collection and this liquid lipstick took up valuable real estate. It’s formula is drying and the colour is a big yuck.
Anastasia Beverly Hills Lip Gloss in Potion (Buy or Cry) – Both – the lip gloss is really good – it has an excellent formula, but the colour was completely wrong for me. If you are a fan of very dark lip colours that are on the other side of goth, or if you have a deeper complexion, this would work well on you. I found mine at Winners (Canada’s version of T.J. Maxx).
Marc Jacobs Velvet Noir Volume Mascara (Buy or Cry) – It was a Sephora Freebie so I can’t cry, but I would not buy it. It is quite clumpy and it flaked on me. There are better mascaras out there for the price – not the free price, the retail price.
Hourglass Illusion Hyalloronic Skin Tint in Vanilla (Buy or Cry) – Buy – I did not love this product at first, but over time, it really grew on me. It had more coverage than I was expecting and a really nice formula. It is not my favourite, but I would go back to it.
Smashbox 24 Hour Photo Finish Shadow Primer (Buy or Cry) – BUY – this is an amazing eye primer. It’s one product that I almost always re-purchase. You need to use a very small amount and blend it in very well before it dries. It really makes your shadows last all day and through the night.
There you have it. My next list will not be as long and it will not be in six months either. So what about you? Are you doing your own declutter? Which products are on your buy or cry list? Let me know in the comment section.
Have you just started watching beauty videos on YouTube? May you are a Jaclyn Hill Fan? Or are Emily Noel, Tati or Stephanie Nicole more your speed? If you are a proud Canadian, Jamie Paige or Samantha Ravndahl may ring your subscription bell. Either way, you are going to hear things consistently from all of these lovely ladies. There is a language that you have to get used to that is common among all of these digital celebrities that you are going to have to learn. Once you get used to it, you can make a drinking game out of it every time they say the following:
Ride or Die – This was a makeup tag (basically a way for a YouTuber to start a “viral” mini-series with other YouTubers) created by Jaclyn Hill. It’s your top of the heap, absolute favourite cosmetic item that you cannot live without. If you got stranded on a deserted island, it’s the one thing that you would bring. YouTubers cheat and do this by makeup category (eye shadow palettes, primers, blushes, lipsticks, bronzers, etc.). It’s also the name of a Violet Voss eye shadow palette.
Holy Grail – see above. Either way, the terms sort of annoy me, especially when you see the slightly crazy look in their eyes as they gleefully discuss these items.
Project Pan/Project Panner – A plan to hit pan on a number of cosmetics throughout the year. This refers to all cosmetics even those that come in a bottle like foundation or concealer. The beauty guru may select a set amount of products (i.e. 18 in 2018) and chart their progress for you. They may relish in the fact that they have “hit pan” on 3 shadows out of an 18 shadow palette to meet their goal. Like a sucker, I watch these videos. They have at least 300 items in their collection, but I’m happy if they feel like panning a few makes it seem like they are less wasteful. You may also hear about “pan porn” – which is about the same topic, nothing creepy.
Declutter – When a YouTuber goes through their make up and gets rid of items that are expired, that they don’t use or that they never liked. This often leads to them saying…
I don’t reach for this – Basically, they don’t stick their fingers into their IKEA Alex drawers for a product that they don’t use very often. This is usually something older and often seems like the Urban Decay Smokey Eyed or the old Too Faced palettes are victims of these clean sweeps.
Obsessed, Amazing, LOVE, So Inspired By – a dramatic way of saying that they like the product.
Creamy/Smooth/Buttery or Creamy, Smooth and Buttery – an eye shadow, blush or powder formula that feels like your favourite toast spread. Not really – basically it just means that a powdery product has enough dimethicone in it to feel smooth versus dry. It won’t feel gritty at all.
Limited Edition – A product that is out for a limited period of time. Do I really need to explain this to you? Sigh – I feel like a rocket scientist some days.
Swatches – The beauty expert in questions rubs their grubby fingers over the product onto their hand or arm so that you can see the colour of the shadow, blush, foundation, highlighter, concealer, lipstick, etc. Many will then tell you that you shouldn’t go by the swatches that you see because the product will perform differently on your….eyelids, lips, brows, lashes, nose, toes, etc.
GRWM – Get ready with me…a chatty video where the YouTuber walks you through their makeup look for an event that they are going to and gives you information about their lives that you may or may not care about.
First Impression Video – A product reviewed based on the first time the Influencer is trying it out AKA self-explanatory.
“Please Subscribe” or “Hit the Notification Bell” – begging you to follow their channels and find out when they are uploading a new video. In fairness to them, YouTube rules are seriously eating into how they make their living.
“The Product is so Pigmented” – The colour that you see in the pan contains a lot of pigments so when applied, it looks as rich on the eye, cheek or lip as it does in the pan/tube.
Fall Out – A minute amount of eye shadow or eye shadow glitter that may end up on your cheek when being applied. AKA – drama for no reason.
Kick-Up – Similar to fall out, it’s mostly something that you hear about with eye shadows. It’s just a small amount of powder that flies up slightly when you put your makeup brush into a shadow that is soft and/or exceptionally pigmented. AKA – drama for no reason. Seriously….
Dupe – A lower priced item that performs almost the same as a more highly priced item.
Haul – When the beauty guru goes to Sephora, a drug store or a similar type of place and spends obscene amounts of money on a ton of things that look like what they already have in their drawers.
Depot – removing your eyeshadow, blush or other makeup from their original package and putting them into a larger palette. It sounds counter-intuitive but it takes up less space.
PR/Unboxing – The Influencer rubs their free product into your hard-working face. Sorry – the YouTuber helpfully shows you the items that they received for free from the makeup public relations’ teams for them to endorse on their channels. They give a little smug look into the camera as they gleefully say “I got this in PR” and promise to do a review of the product(s).
Image courtesy of Glamorable.com
There you have it – everything that you need to know to do what I do and waste countless hours on your iPad watching makeup videos. Let me know if I’ve missed any of your favourite expressions or if there are more that you need me to define for you.
Jill Of Some Trades 