The "Whiz-ard" That Is Dr. Oz

And Other Stories


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No Judgments – The Bucket List

Oz

I’ve used this pic before, but it fit the theme!

Everyone talks about it, but no one actually ever provides a complete list of what’s on theirs.  They’ll give you a few choice morsels, but they back off when it comes to giving you the full meal deal.  If you haven’t guessed, I’m talking about a bucket list.  If you don’t know what a bucket list is (insert eye roll here) – it’s all of the incredible things that people want to do before they depart the earth and move on to their next life or go to heaven, or hang out in the warm place that we shall call Satan’s tea parlour.  I’m breaking free and revealing what’s on my list, what’s off and what never will be on it.

Now for your reading pleasure….

What’s On

  • See the Little Mermaid Statue in Denmark – Hello!  It’s one of the best fairy tales out there (Cinderella is the best) and Copenhagen was the home of one of my favourite kiddy authors – Hans Christian Anderson.
  • See a Puffin – I’m not a bird lover, but hello, Puffins are adorable!
  • See an Orca in the wild – as nature intended them to be.  Sea World and Marine Land – I’m talking to you
  • Go in a Shark Cage and see a Great White (and come out of the cage with all of my fingers and toes and not covered in bloody fish guck)
  • Go to South America  – maybe not the sucky countries
  • Go back to Sydney, Nova Scotia, where I grew up, one last time
  • Walk the Capilano Suspension Bridge in British Columbia
  • Go to all ten provinces (I’ve been to 8 – Saskatchewan and Newfoundland, here I come) and 3 Territories (none so far)
  • See all 50 States in the USA (even the questionable ones).  So far, in no particular order, I’ve been to: 1) Hawaii, 2)Alaska, 3)California, 4) Nevada, 5) Arizona, 6) Texas, 7) Arkansas, 8) Tennessee, 9) Georgia, 10) Florida, 11) North Carolina, 12) Minnesota, 12) Ohio, 14) Louisiana, 15) Virginia, 16) Illinois, 17) Pennsylvania, 18) New Jersey, 19) New York and 20) Massachusetts.  Just 30 more to go!
  • See almost every country in Europe – some at least thrice – except some of the sucky ones!  For some fun, I’m only going to tell you the countries that I have yet to see: 1) Sweden (I’ve seen Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – I know that there is weirdness there, but I’m going), 2) Finland (best name ever), 3) Denmark (see bullet point 1), 4) Poland, 5) Bulgaria, 6) Romania, 7) Estonia, 8) Belgium, 9) Croatia (dying to go here), 10) Cyprus (but I’ve been to Greece – does that cover it off?), 11) Monaco, 12) Luxembourg, 13) Serbia, 14) Slovenia (home to Melania Trump – maybe I’ll skip it?) 15) Lithuania (home to my lovely grandfather and favourite great uncles), 16) Belarus, 17) Ukraine (maybe I’ll skip this country or just not dress up as a Ukranian if I visit Russia – I wouldn’t want them to invade me), 18) Russia (most of my other relatives are from here, and who doesn’t want to see St. Petersberg?)
  • Go to Bora Bora in Tahiti Tahiti  – it looks amazing, plus, I like a place that’s so nice that they named it twice
  • See the Northern Lights
  • See all of the Disney Theme Parks around the world – Paris, Tokyo and Hong Kong, I’m coming for you!  And don’t judge me – it’s the happiest place on earth
  • Speaking of Tokyo – I also want to go to Japan
  • …and New Zealand
  • ..and Singapore – who doesn’t love a clean destination
  • …and Thailand
  • See Bill Clinton speak live – I saw Hillary and she was pretty fab, plus I have to have a few non-travel related items on the list
  • Have the best day ever and know that it’s the best day ever

Completed Items:

  • Go to an NFL game in the USA.  I went to a Steelers game.  I discovered that football is just as boring in person as it is on TV AND they took away my purse because it was too big to pass security regulations
  • Own a YSL Muse bag – thanks to Woodbury Common, I have this in my purse wardrobe for less than half the price AND it’s the original Muse with the Y (if you are a guy reading this, it’s like you finding one of your collectible dolls, sorry action figures or a really great Laz-E-Boy chair on sale)
  • Teach an important life lesson to someone that they’ll value
  • Make 10 people cry tears of happiness
  • Have dinner once with my whole immediate family
  • Write a blog for one year (ahem, my blog celebrated it’s third anniversary)

Off the List:

  • See George Michael in concert  – sad to say, I’ve never seen this musical genius

Never on the List and Never Will Be and Don’t Tell Me Never Say Never ‘Cause it’s NEVER:

  • Skydiving
  • Bungee Jumping
  • Hand Gliding or any aerial trick
  • Space Travel

I don’t have a death wish and I get motion sick so they are all out for me.  So, now that you know what’s on my, tell me what’s on yours?  I need some inspiration and some non-travel related bucket list items so I want to plagiarize yours!

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What’s the Black Ribbon For and Other Ways of Dealing With Loss…

The loss of a parent, regardless of the relationship that you may have had with them is difficult in a way that can’t really be put into words.  When you aren’t close, it opens you up to a different type of grieving.  Maybe it’s the loss of possibility that I’m grieving now or the loss of hope – I can’t really describe to you what it is.  The reality is, that everyone’s experience is unique to them.  I can give you all of the tips and tricks that have worked for me in getting through this last month, but they may not work for you – everyone is different.  The one thing that I know for sure is that in death and mourning, there is no real right or wrong, you have to do what feels right for you.

Since this is a blog about taking Dr. Oz’s advice, I checked his website and found a video featuring Dr. Richard Smith.  He laid out the three stages of grief – these really didn’t apply to me, but I’ll share them with you anyway:

  • Stage one – loss of control, denial and a lack of reality…maybe even anger.  This totally didn’t apply to me.  In some ways, the death of my father has been easier than I thought, in some ways more difficult, but I’ve never, for a minute been angry or in denial over what happened.  Maybe, because it was expected, maybe because no matter how early it was, I did get to say a needed good-bye or maybe because there isn’t a one size fits all on death and mourning, but I never went through any part of this stage.
  • Stage two – persistent sadness and emptiness…this one, I’m not sure of.  It’s a complicated situation.  After the funeral, and when I went back to work, I could easily focus on the job at hand.  As time has moved on, there have been weeks where I felt numb inside.  I could even watch a sad dog video and not cry.  Just numb and in some ways, on auto pilot saying and doing the right things and what is expected of me. I have had a lot of other things that have needed my attention though, and maybe that’s why I feel more myself than I perhaps should.
  • Stage 3 – reinvest with other people.  It’s too soon for this one I think.

Sorry, I wish I could tell everyone that there is an exact process to follow, but there isn’t.  I’m not religious, but one thing that helped me, was taking part in some of the observances that Jewish people following the death of an immediate family member.  The practice of K’riah (literally ‘tearing’) just prior to the funeral, where the mourners rip and a black ribbon and continue to wear it for 30 days has helped me.  It is supposed to be symbolic of loss, and permanent scarring to your life at the loss of one so dear to you.  For me, it was a reminder that whenever I had any doubt, that my father was no longer here.  People would ask me what the little black ribbon was for and I’d explain that my father had passed away.  Each time I said it, it made it more believable to me.  I went to synagogue to say Mourner’s Kaddish (a traditional prayer for the dead) during Shloshim – the 30 days of mourning after the funeral.  I did this 3 times, and again, I’m not religious, but having a process to follow brought me comfort.

The one thing that was most helpful was going to the cemetery by myself a few days after the funeral.  I went because I didn’t have any time at the end of my father’s life to say the things that I needed to say and I wasn’t afforded the opportunity at the funeral.  I spent ten minutes there, but it made everything so much better for me.  I had the whole place to myself, and I just stood there and said (mostly in my inside voice) what I felt at that moment.  It didn’t take long, but for me it was time well spent.  Sometimes, it’s not about getting every question answered or “getting closure” that counts, it’s about taking the time that you need, for yourself.  I know that I may never really understand my father and I know that he likely didn’t understand me, but that’s ok.  I understood, in that moment, that I didn’t need either, I just needed quiet time to process everything and it helped.  What surprised me was how little time I needed there.  I knew that I wasn’t going to get a sign from my father that he was there with me, and I was also ok with that.  I went with no expectations, and I left with even fewer but being there helped a realist like me, in ways that I just can’t explain.  You will never get time back, especially time to deal with complex emotions – so take what you need for yourself.

Some people have gone above and beyond, and I know that I’ve thanked them for everything that they have done – make sure, no matter how sad you may be to do that.  Everyone deserves to be appreciated and when times are tough, and people go out of their way to help, let them know that you value them.  You will get through your loss whatever it may be and there will be days, which may come sooner than you think where you will feel exactly like yourself.  I know for me, that writing about how I feel about this has been cathartic, but I’m at the point now where I just want to write about fluffier, more enjoyable things.  Maybe one day I’ll want to revisit this time in my life, that’s the beauty of having your own blog – you can write about what you feel like, and when it’s time, you can let it go…