The "Whiz-ard" That Is Dr. Oz

And Other Stories


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When A Goose Attacks

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Image courtesy of Buzzfeed

“I was attacked by a Canada Goose” said a text from my middle sister.  “The coat or the animal?” I quickly wrote, eager to find out if my sister was strong-armed by a sales person trying to pawn one of the  jackets before the season ended.  Most people can’t even afford the “down” payment on those coats.  “The animal” she replied with tears in her eyes (I’m guessing).  I proceeded to laugh for at least ten minutes, somewhat hysterically, before picking up the phone and pleading with her, in between giggle fits, to give me the complete honk by honk, oops, I mean blow by blow.  The more she spoke, the more I howled with laughter.  Cheer up Eeyore, it was bound to happen to one of us.

Now before you have a “bird” on me, I did make sure that she was alright in between my laughing fits.  When I spoke to her this morning, she told me to have a “gander” at videos of goose attacks.  The attack happened to her when she was innocently trying to use an ATM in downtown Oakville.  That’s what you get for “nesting” in the suburbs.  She turned her back, and her “goose was cooked”.  The bird bit her back with it’s toothless beak, twisting, but causing no damage.  It attacked again, flapping it’s wings at her head, causing a migraine, but luckily no “goose egg” on her noggin.  Surprisingly, even though it was a Canada Goose, it wasn’t polite enough to give her a sorry.  I wonder if the “Portugeese” are the nicer ones?

I’m not sure if there was a gosling close by, but my sister is an animal lover, even feeling sorry enough for the birds to eschew down products.  Now, it’s a different story – she thinks that those “birdbrains” belong in a coat, pillow or duvet.  The attack really came out of nowhere.  The only advice that I could give her for next time was to “duck” or blow her nose at the bird.  I always did say that it sounded like a mating call for a goose when she blows her nose.  If you are chased by a goose, you can always “wing it” depending on the direction of the attack “beak-cause” it can be difficult to judge what’s going to make them “fly off the handle”.  Maybe just tell it to “flock off”?

My sister really isn’t a “chicken” and so maybe I should give it a nest, I mean rest already. I apologize to you all, my faithful readers, if you found this post a little “fowl”.  Maybe I’ll get my sister a little gift for letting me write about her ordeal – nah, I’m too “cheep”.  I’m off for some bedtime reading, “Mother Goose” anyone?

 

 

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Happy Birthday to Kiwi’s Mom

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Today is my frousin GK’s (also known as Kiwi’s Mom) Birthday.  Some people may think that aging is for the BIRDS, but not my frousin.  Mysteriously (yours), she thinks that birthdays are a time to SHAKE YOUR TAIL FEATHER.  Well, GK TOUCAN play at that game.  I know, you are all thinking, am I HERON her right, or is this blog filled with bird puns.  Yes, it is, because my frousin loves birds, none more than Kiwi, her little budgie who I affectionately call “50 Shades of Green”, so this is my tribute to you!

It gets HAWKWARD sometimes telling someone how glad you are that they moved to Toronto.  I know it can feel like a BIRDEN to be away from your roost, but you’ve adapted so well!  We’ve all tried to PIGEON and help you get to know the big city, but you’ve managed to do so well on your own, flying here and there without any help from anyone.  You’ve found a lovely NEST to call your own and made it such a precious little palace.  You find fun things to do, and even though you are always out and about, you manage to SPARROW some time for your frousins.  We always have a h-OWL with you!  You are so much fun to be around and a delightful shopper as well.  I never realized how much there was to DODO in TO until you FLEW here and reminded me.

You are always so caring and so PHEASANT to be around and the closeness and respect that you have for your parents is so nice to see!  You enjoy your family and you don’t take them for granted.  You’d share your last worm with them, even AK who is ever so slowly, learning to share.  Sorry AK – not trying to RUFFLE YOUR FEATHERS, just tweeting you, I mean teasing!  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say how much I can admire someone who has made so many life changes in such a short period of time.  You are no CHICKEN – you are brave and capable!  You had to give up FLYING SOUTH FOR THE WINTER (ok, 3 weeks in January) but you’ve really made an amazing life for yourself here.  You’ve been everywhere from FINCH to King Street and back again!  Remember, you aren’t ROBIN anyone, so just enjoy and be happy.  I know winter can be FOWL, but we still have a lot of fun planned.  I promise we won’t ever have to FLY THE COOP at another concert after listening to “Isn’t She DOVE-ly” ever again! Just stay healthy and don’t get the BIRD FLU, but if you do, CHICKEN soup should do the trick.

GK – I hope that you enjoyed this little tribute to you and birds that you love so much!  I WAS JUST WINGING IT!  I could continue RAVEN about you, but that would take all NIGHT-INGGALE.  In case you weren’t HERON me (yes, I know I already used that bird, but sometimes you have to PARROT yourself), today, I’m grateful for GK, the BIRD-day girl : )