It’s been 100 days since my mother died. That’s just a little over 3 months. It’s the time in the mourning process when you get the head bob – you know those people who sympathetically look at you, nod and say: “Oh, it’s so good that you had CLOSURE….” “She’s in a better place…” “At least she isn’t suffering.” “Every day gets a little easier, doesn’t it?” Grief is not something that can be wrapped up into a neat little package, and there is no timeline. When people give me the closure speech, I often want to say what does that even mean? Closure in that I realize that my mother isn’t coming back? I know that she isn’t. Closure in that there was nothing left unsaid? That’s true, but can be more properly defined as a comfort, not closure. Closure implies a sense of resolution, and I don’t know anyone who can properly resolve themselves to the finality of losing a loved one. It also doesn’t get easier with time, every day is different.
People mean well, but it’s a long process. There is a beginning to grief, but no middle and no end. There is just a level of coping. I can get up, go to work, do many things as well as I did before. The brief fog that was part of the early days of loss has lifted. I can carry on conversations with people and they would never know that there is anything wrong unless I told them. It just isn’t something that you can adjust to overnight or over the course of three months. Keeping occupied helps – it’s when I stop to think about things that reality sets in.
Outside of work, upcoming travel, socializing and settling my mother’s affairs, I need another project to keep me busy. Something useful…something cleansing…and there is nothing more cleansing than a good declutter. I’ve recently watched a number of YouTube videos where Influencers declutter cosmetics. I’m a little obsessed with these videos, but I saw another video where the Influencer decided to get rid of 1,000 items from their home. That’s a little ambitious for me, I did a huge declutter in 2015 – here is a small sample of things that I got rid of: https://jillschnei.wordpress.com/2015/10/19/konfessions/
I did think carefully about it, and while 1,000 seems to be a daunting number, why not try for 300? I’ll provide a progress report for you with every 100 items that I’m getting rid of and a few special features. Some items will be thrown out, most will be donated and a small amount will be sold. I’m excited to simplify things and to have a goal in mind. My mother would definitely approve.