The "Whiz-ard" That Is Dr. Oz

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Plop Returns – Thank You Gwyneth Paltrow!

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I’m going to start my entry today with what I am grateful for.  Today, I am grateful, once again, to Gwyneth Paltrow.  I’ve missed her so.  Whenever she opens her mouth, I realize how great my life is compared to the trials that she faces, each and every day in her so-called life.  Poor thing – she has so much stress, she definitely is riddled with inflammation.  I still think, based on her latest and greatest quotes, that we still have a lot in common and I’m going to take you through some of the goodies.  

  • “You come across [online comments] about yourself and about your friends, and it’s a very dehumanizing thing,” she shared. “It’s almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it.”  I can totally relate to this!  I was at a dinner party recently, and I was, for the first time in my life, carving a chicken.  My “friend” took a picture of me doing this onerous task and captioned it “Jill?  Is that u?” and posted it on facebook.  It was dehumanizing in a way that I just can’t explain.  It wasn’t a true war like what Gwynnie has to go through.  It was just the raw animal power of knife going through chicken flesh.  Then to be mocked for it?  Dehumanizing.  Something did become defined out of it though – I learned that when at someone’s dinner party – don’t volunteer to cut the chicken, even if it’s on your plate.  I bet GP doesn’t cut up her own farm-raised, free range, antibiotic free, and flavour free chicken.  I hear you sister – social media is war
  • On The Met Gala: “I’m never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.”  I know – being at an event where you get to where a couture gown must have been traumatic.  Poor thing.  I’ve had to go to a bar mitzvahs, weddings, kids’ birthday parties and even a baseball game or two where I felt exactly the same way – minus the couture, of course
  • “When I was twenty-one, a friend gave me a book called Diet for a New America by John Robbins, which exposed the brutal practices of American factory farms. That, coupled with a lecture from Leonardo DiCaprio (when he was nineteen and I was twenty-one) about how such animals are kept and processed, made me lose my desire for factory farm pork and beef right there.” [My Father’s Daughter]  I am an animal lover too!  I also think that they are treated horribly at factory farms and that we should be more conscious of being kind to all creatures great and small.  I, on the other-hand, received a lecture, not from Leo, but from a homeless man on the subway.  Incidentally, when I was 21, my friend gave me a wedgie – we all have our crosses to bear
  • “We’ve got a wood-burning pizza oven in the garden—a luxury, I know, but it’s one of the best investments I’ve ever made.” [My Father’s Daughter]  I have an old pizza box from 1999 next to my plant – kind of the same, no?  By the way, my plant’s name was Robert – like Robert Plant. The pizza was a good investment at the time, but thanks to Dr. Oz, it is just an occasional treat.  Can Gwynnie even eat pizza?  What if, perish the thought, she accidentally had canned cheese on it?  Her body would be in a state of war with itself
  • “I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat—don’t ask, it’s a long story.”  I can’t ask GP and you can’t answer if it was a silent retreat.  That’s our Gwyneth, such a silly little bear all stuffed with fluff
  • “You know, I use organic products, but I get [laser treatment]. It’s what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu.”  EXACTLY – it’s finding that balance that GP talks about, like our mayor, Rob Ford, with a crack pipe in one hand and a double cheeseburger in the other – all balanced!  I need to get more balance in my life
  • On aging, in 2002: “Beauty fades! I just turned 29, so I probably don’t have that many good years left in me.”  I am going to be celebrating the 15th anniversary of my 29th birthday.  I have no good years left in me.  I should have ended it all at 29 while I still had a life like Gwynnie.  We all know that life doesn’t begin at 30, it ends at 29
  • “One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going, I realized I hadn’t thought of dessert.”  One day, when I had my kettle boiling, I realized that I too, hadn’t thought about dessert – I just thought about how my dandelion tea was going to taste like dirt, but cleanse my liver #firstworldproblems

I don’t mean to bully Gwyneth, but seriously, the girl needs to learn how to keep her yap shut or hire a better publicist.  I’m sure I’ll be writing about her again soon.  Until then, I am…

Gratefully yours,

Jill

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Author: Jill Schneiderman

Hello and welcome to my blog. This started as a one year experiment to try to improve my health, turning to Dr. Oz for advice. One year became two and after that, the writing bug hit and writing about travel, lifestyle and my own musings became more fun. I'll return to the "Whiz-ard" when the feeling comes, but exploring other topics and getting to connect with new people and re-connect with old friends has been fun! Remember, any health advice you see here should be vetted with your family doctor. Any travel advice that I give though, should be followed! I am a marketing professional, working in media. This allows me to continue my obsession with all things TV and print and get paid for it. I'm an avid traveller, reader and shopper but make time for friends, family and volunteering so that I don't feel completely shallow.

2 thoughts on “Plop Returns – Thank You Gwyneth Paltrow!

  1. Lol!!! You may need to blog ’bout Charlize Theron too!! Think Sean Penn is rubbing off on her! 😀

    Like

  2. They are all so entitled and ridiculous aren’t they?

    Like

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