As I was pouring my dreaded smoothie yesterday, I was looking at the purple hue and it reminded me of my favourite character from McDonaldland – GRIMACE!!! He was such a cute, purple milkshake loving blob – I miss him! According to Wikipedia, Grimace left McDonaldland in 2004 – never to return. He is way up there is milkshake heaven. Anyway, to make things more bearable for me, I’ve decided to name my smoothie the Grimace Slide – a cute name sometimes helps me get through things.
I’m sipping on my green tea while I work on this entry. I’ve officially become one of “those people” that I internally get judgey (it’s a word, at least in my vocabulary) about. You know, the ones that sit across from you primly drinking their lemon water spiked with cayenne pepper and maple syrup while you scarf down chicken fingers (ok I don’t eat these more than 2-3 times a year, but you know what I mean). They then proceed to tell you that they are detoxing because both their homeopath and naturopath told them that they were “riddled with inflammation” and that they must cleanse to get rid of the toxins in their body and reset their liver. HOOOEEEYYYY I say – your body isn’t a computer that can be reset and we are naturally set up to detoxify ourselves through sweat and other unmentionables that I won’t mention because it isn’t ladylike (hint, you go to the bathroom for a reason) but I’m also not an expert. I was on the phone with a friend that is doing this program with me and we were comparing notes about what we were doing and she told me that like it or not, this is a detox. Insert horror music here. I haven’t been this depressed since the last time that I shopped at Whole Foods! Have I really become a lulu lemon wearing detoxifier? And why am I wearing lulu lemon since I can’t exercise anyway? I’m a fake, a sham, a phony! Alas, dear readers, I have thought about a way to help me stop grimacing about this – get it? I’m getting Grimace in here again!!!!!! I can’t be a McSmugly if I am referring to a McDonald’s character.
I decided to compare Dr. Oz’s Two-Week Rapid Weight Loss Plan to another plan he just featured – the 10-Day Detox Diet and you know what? Whether I want to admit it or not, I’m on a detox. Side by side they are very similar. Here is a link if you want to check out the Detox Diet http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/10-day-detox-diet-one-sheet. The major differences are:
-Dr. Oz’s plan starts with a cup of hot water and lemon where the 10-Day Detox Diet doesn’t
-The smoothies are different – Dr. Oz’s has fewer ingredients and has protein powder while the Detox Diet has nuts, seeds, lemon, coconut butter avacado and half of the amount of almond milk and a little bit of water. I’ll take Dr. Oz’s thank you very much!
-Dr. Oz’s plan gives you 1/2 cup of brown rice where the Detox Diet doesn’t allow for any type of carb
-Dr. Oz’s plan doesn’t allow you tofu, eggs or tempeh (unless I am missing something) where the Detox Diet does
-The Detox Diet is very specific about the spices that you can use, where the Dr. Oz plan doesn’t mention them
-The Detox Diet doesn’t recommend supplements where Dr. Oz’s does (i.e. probiotics in the morning)
-Dr. Oz’s plan is 4 days longer (D’OH)
-Both cut out wheat, sugars, processed foods, alcohol and dairy (except the Greek yogurt on Dr. Oz’s plan)
Now that I’m calmer about the fact that I’m on a detox, I will tell you one thing if you are thinking about doing either plan – it’s very expensive. I’ve spent $150 so far on the Dr. Oz plan – that includes all of the produce, the probiotics, the rice protein powder ($25.99 alone), ground flax seed ($6.99), almond milk, etc. Some of the items will outlast the plan like the flaxseeds. Some, like the protein powder I won’t use again unless I do this plan. If you decide to do either, remember they are ingredient heavy and you will have to buy everything. There are ways to eat healthier foods on a budget (i.e. frozen foods instead of fresh) but there is not way to do this without a lot of homework for less than $100 at least for week one.
Please take what I am saying with a grain of salt – you know the one that you aren’t allowed to have but really think about if you are ready to commit the time, the energy and the budget to a detox if you are going to do one.